By Erma Bombeck
(written after she learned she was dying of cancer.)
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner." There would have been more "I love you's." More "I'm sorry's." But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it ... live it .and never give it back. Stop sweating the small stuff.
Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.
Let's think about what God HAS blessed us with. And what we are doing each day. I hope you all have a blessed day.
DON'T LOOK BACK.. As you travel through life there are always those times
When decisions just have to be made,
When the choices are hard, and solutions seem scarce,
And the rain seems to soak your parade. There are some situations where all you can do
Is simply let go and move on,
Gather your courage and choose a direction
That carries you toward a new dawn.
So pack up your troubles and take a step forward
The process of change can be tough,
But think about all the excitement ahead
If YOU can be stalwart enough!
There might be adventures you never imagined
Just waiting around the next bend,
And wishes and dreams just about to come true
In ways you can't yet comprehend!
Perhaps you'll find friendships that spring from new things
As you challenge your status quo,
And learn there are so many options in life,
And so many ways you can grow!
Perhaps you'll go places you never expected
And see things that you've never seen,
Or travel to fabulous, faraway worlds
And wonderful spots in between!
Perhaps you'll find warmth and affection and caring
And somebody special who's there
To help you stay centered and listen with interest
To stories and feelings you share.
Perhaps you'll find comfort in knowing your friends
Are supportive of all that you do,
And believe that whatever decisions you make,
They'll be the right choices for you.
So keep putting one foot in front of the other,
And taking your life day by day ...
There's a brighter tomorrow that's just down the road
Don't look back! You're not going that way!
This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.
My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60.. Now he's 97 years old and we don't know where he is.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks.
Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.
Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say,'Well, she looks good doesn't she.'
If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years,...... just getting over the hill.
We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
AND
Every time I start thinking too much about how I look,
I just find a Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look just fine.
What can Noah and his Ark teach us?
One: Don't miss the boat.
Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat.
Three: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.
Four: Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
Five: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
Six: Build your future on high ground.
Seven: For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
Eight: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
Nine: When you're stressed, float a while.
Ten: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
Eleven: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting. .
(but why oh why didn't Noah smack those two mosquitoes when he had a chance?
Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
-The Difficult is that which can be done immediately; The Impossible that which takes a little longer. George Santayana
-I never did a days work in all my life-it was all fun. Thomas Edison
-Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try one more time. Thomas Edison
-Life is a grindstone. But whether it grinds us down or polishes us up depends on us. L.Thomas Holdcraft
-Wisdom is not a product of schooling but of the lifelong attempt to acquire it. Albert Einstein
-Some pursue happiness, others create it. unknown
-The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work.Vince Lombardi
-Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape. old Finnish proverb
-Five keys to fulfilling living:
1.Obey a great God.
2.Dream great dreams.
3.Plan great plans.
4. Pray great prayers.
5. Claim great victories.
He is well paid that is well satisfied. William Shakespeare
-There is nothing like a dream to create the future. Victor Hugo
-Serving God is doing good to man. Benjamin Franklin
-A person who is to be happy must actively enjoy his blessings. Cicero
-Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. Helen Keller
-There isn't a person anywhere who isn't capable of doing more than he thinks he can. Henry Ford
-If we did all we are capable of doing we would literally astonish ourselves. Thomas A. Edison
Read the full description before looking at the picture.
The picture above has 2 identical dolphins in it.
It was used in a case study on stress levels at
St. Mary's Hospital.
Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water
The dolphins are identical.
A closely monitored, scientific study revealed that ,
spite of the fact that the dolphins are identical ,
a person under stress would find differences in
the two dolphins.
The more differences a person finds
between the dolphins,
the more stress that person is experiencing.
Look at the photograph and if you find more than
one or two differences
you may want to take a vacation.
Never take life too seriously.
Make some time to Have Fun!
Mouse Lessons...
A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package. "What food might this contain?" The mouse wondered..
He was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.
Retreating to the farmyard,
the mouse proclaimed this warning, There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"
The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it.." The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"
The pig sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers." The mouse turned to the cow and said, "There is a mousetrap in the house!
There is a mousetrap in the house!"
The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose."
So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap . . . Alone.. .. That very night a sound was heard throughout the house the sound Of a mousetrap catching its prey.
The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did notsee it. It was a venomous snake whose tail was caught in the trap.
The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital.
When she returned home she still had a fever. Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup.
So the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient:
But his wife's sickness continued. Friends and neighbors came to sitwith her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.
But, alas, the farmer's wife did not get well... She met her Maker...
So many people came for her funeral that the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them for the funeral luncheon. And the mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness.
So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and you think it doesn't concern you, remember ---
When one of us is threatened, we are all at risk. We are all involved in this journey called life. We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to encourage one another.
YOU MAY WANT TO SEND THIS TO EVERYONE WHOHAS EVER HELPED YOU OUT...
- REMEMBER -
EACH OF US IS A VITAL THREAD IN ANOTHER PERSON'S TAPESTRY.
OUR LIVES ARE WOVEN TOGETHERFOR A REASON.
Love one another as I have loved you...
Two Men....
Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.
One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain fluid from his lungs.
His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back
The men talked for hours on end.
They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.
Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.
The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake.
Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats.
Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by.Although the other man could not hear the band - he could see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days, weeks and months passed.
One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep.
She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window.
The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside.
He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed.
It faced a blank wall.
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.
The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.
She said, 'Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.'
Epilogue:
There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.
Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.
If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.
'Today is a gift, that is why it is called The Present .'
NOW THAT I'M OLDER, HERE'S WHAT I'VE DISCOVERED:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
3. I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
5. All reports are in; Life is now officially unfair.
6. If all is not lost, where is it?
7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
8.Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11. Accidents in the back seat cause...kids.
12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
13. Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.
14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?
16. It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after.
YOU MIGHT AS WELL ADMIT IT
25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN OLD
Opps, Sorry! I meant "older"
1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Intimate moments in a twin bed are out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up."
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door
won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps sometime between noon to 6 PM!
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather
than settle, your stomach.
19. If you're a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not
condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old self.
The one and only George Carlin strikes again...
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea ... does that mean that one enjoys it?
There are three religious truths:
1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
2.Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in ... what happens to the other penny.
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
"I am." is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do." is the longest sentence?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me ... they're cramming for their final exam.
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them?
Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
RUMINATIONS...
Rumination: 1) The act or process of chewing cud, 2) The act of pondering; meditation.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Remember, half the people you know are below average.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Everyone has a photographic memory; Some just don't have film.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
AND THE ONE I RELATE TO THE MOST THESE DAYS--
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the heck happened.
(The following reminds me of my dear friend, Margaret , 105 years young, pictured below. Margaret was born in Northern Wisconsin, i met her in San Diego at the Sons of Norway Lodge...She is one of the most beautiful people i know...still smiling,laughing, dancing, playing Bingo, and she writes Thank You notes! She turned 106 years young in November 2010! And an inspiration to All!)
The following is written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written.......My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:" 1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good. 2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?' 27. Always choose life. 28. Forgive everyone everything. 29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38.All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield... 45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
I Believe (powerpoint...click to continue)
More insights...
A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "How heavy is this glass of water? "
Answers called out ranged from 8oz. to 20oz.
The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it."
"If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance."
"In each case it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."
He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on."
"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden. "
"So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work/life down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow." "Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can. Relax; pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy!"
And then he shared some ways of dealing with the burdens of life: 1* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
2* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them. 3* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
4* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker. 5 * If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
6 * It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. 7 * Never buy a car you can't push.
8* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.
9* Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
10* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late. 11 * The second mouse gets the cheese.
12* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. 13* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
14* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person. 15* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
16* We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box. 17* A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
"One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar." ~Helen Keller "Sometimes you just have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down." ~Kobi Yamada "Always be a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else."~Judy Garland
"Defeat only happens when you make the decision to stop trying. Because determination works. Steady forward motion, even if it's just a step per week, gets you there. So keep moving, even if it's only a little some weeks. ~Ken Evoy- Sitesell.com "Nothing happens until something moves." ~Albert Einstein
"Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent." ~Calvin Coolidge
"How to succeed? Try hard enough." ~ Malcolm Forbes
"The important thing is that when you come to understand something you act on it, no matter how small that act is. Eventually it will take you where you need to go." ~Helen Prejean
"Be who you are and say what you feel because people who mind don't matter and people who matter don't mind." ~Unknown
"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath." ~Unknown
"Those who touch our lives live forever in our hearts." ~Unknown
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." ~Mahatma Gandhi
"I go into the wilderness and rediscover the world within." ~China Galland
"There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full." ~ Henry Kissinger
"It is not a sign of good health to be well adjusted to a sick society." ~J. Krishnamurti
"If you always do what you've always done, you'll never get more than what you've already got."
~Unknown
"Love is staying up all night with a sick child -- or a healthy adult." ~David Frost ~
"Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live." ~Jim Rohn
"When you throw your bread out on the waters of life, it frequently comes back buttered."
~Mershon Niesner "It takes courage to follow your fascinations, wherever they may lead. Yet, creativity demands that you trust and stay on the path despite obstacles. The good news is that it's possible."
~ Gail McMeekin,
"I don't want life to imitate art. I want life to be art." ~ Carrie Fisher
"All things being relative, one searches for what they cannot find." ~D. Bartosik "It’s not only what we do, but also what we do not do, for which we are accountable."
~Unknown
"It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop." ~Confucius
"Don't fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have."
~ Louis E. Boone "A new broom sweeps clean, but the old brush knows the corners." ~Unknown "The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start."~Unknown
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why we call it the "present".
Enjoy your "present" of life to the fullest." ~Unknown "Whatever the struggle, continue the climb, it may be only one more step to the summit." ~Diane Westlake
"First get the facts, then you can distort them at your leisure." ~Mark Twain "Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." ~Marcel Proust
"Let food be thy medicine, and medicine be thy food." ~Hippocrates
"If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves."
~ Thomas A.Edison
"Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done and why. Then do it."
~Robert Heinlein
"If suffering brings wisdom, I would wish to be less wise" ~W.B. Yeats
"Only that which is deeply felt can change us. Because it is only in the heart that anything really happens." ~Ladyfire.com "I wanted to be the first woman to burn her bra, but it would have taken the fire department four days to put it out." ~Dolly Parton "Don't just slow down and smell the flowers, look up and see the birds, too!"
~Deborah Burns, Simple Living Winter 2000 "The person who goes farthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare. The sure-thing boat never gets far from shore." ~Dale Carnegie
"The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs... one step at a time."
~Joe Girard
"The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy." ~Jim Rohn "A quotation at the right moment is like bread for the famished."
The Talmud "In Everyones life ,at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the spirit."
~Albert Schweitser
"In love the paradox occurs that two beings become one and yet remain two."
~Eric Fromm
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."
~Confucius
"Try to be the sort of person your dog thinks you are." ~Jerry Parkins
"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
~Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken
"People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost." ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr. "The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself."
~Ben Franklin
"Men show their character in nothing more clearly than by what they find laughable." ~Anon.
"You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad." ~Aldous Huxley
"The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple." ~Oscar Wilde
"Sometimes the insane and the contrarians and the ones who are closest to suicide are the most valuable people society has. They may be precursors of social change. They've taken the burdens of the culture onto themselves, and in their struggle to solve their own problems they're solving problems for the culture as well." ~Robert M. Pirsig, Lila
"Man prefers to believe what he prefers to be true." ~Francis Bacon
"Truth is the cry of all, but the game of the few." ~George Berkeley
"The truth knocks on the door and you say, 'Go away, I'm looking for the truth,' and so it goes away."
~Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
And here's to "Critical Thinking"...
Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans. A bean is a vegetable.Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS.
Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category.
Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.
To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food.
Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
The problem:
How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car.
The solution:
Eat it in the parking lot.
Diet tips:
Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less.
If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don t they actually counteract each other?
Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.
A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Now, isn't that handy?
If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't let that happen, can you?
Questionable PICK UP LINES...for those who might need some "new" lines!
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